


A Silent Dare

by crowleyswing



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, crowley is a petty virgin, fake dating au, short but sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 20:48:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20495102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowleyswing/pseuds/crowleyswing
Summary: Crowley doesn't like people to doubt the existence of his sex life and he's petty about it.





	A Silent Dare

A dare is a dare, even if it’s a vague, unspoken one that doesn't really exist  — and Crowley wasn’t about to let a stupid teenager win, even if he ultimately had to decimate him to reassert dominance in order to avoid the embarrassment. Although he’d prefer it if that was a last resource. 

The whole thing started because, during a peaceful night stroll at the park, his eye had caught two teens going at it like wild rabbits. He wasn’t a stranger to them, having seen them engaging in sin a few times before, but never this flagrantly. Unable to resist a silly impulse, he miracled a condom and threw it at the bloke’s head, making a sarcastic comment that didn’t go unnoticed by the couple. The human wasted no time thinking of a worthy reply.

“Thanks, mate. Reckon you don’t need these anyway.” 

This earned him a deep frown from the offended demon, who had to restrain himself from making their clothes disappear so he could watch them be forced to leave the park naked, like the nasty animals they were. Now, to be candid, it’s technically true that Crowley has no need for silly condoms, what with being a supernatural entity and all. But the little wanker didn’t know that.

He assured the teen that he was wrong and immediately started devising a flawless, 100% foolproof plan. It consisted of taking Aziraphale to the park with him as proof of his definitely existent (and extremely active, thank you very much) sex life. The only teensy weensy problem — an irrelevant detail, really — was the fact that he and the angel weren’t exactly… an actual couple. But then again, the little wanker didn’t know that, either. 

He wasn’t sure about the appropriate way to approach the angel about it, though. After all, it was a matter of his pride being hurt, not any type of real emergency. He decided to keep his intentions a secret unless it became absolutely necessary to reveal them. 

** - **

“A walk in the park, dear?” The angel frowned slightly, casting a glance at his watch, despite being fairly aware of the time. “This late at night?”

A simple shrug was enough to convince him. There is nothing conventional about this relationship, anyway.

There wasn’t that much walking involved in the deed, though. As soon as Crowley spotted the annoying humans, he casually leaned against the fence, prompting Aziraphale to stop as well. He didn’t give it much thought. 

As the angel kept distractedly rambling, the sly demon took peeks at the public display of disgustingness over his shoulder.Having heard a low groan coming from behind him and noticing Crowley’s suspicious behavior, Aziraphale stopped mid-sentence and turned around only to be faced with an embarrassing situation. He craned his neck and squinted for a clearer view.

“Oh my. How inappropriate, isn’t it my – “

“Ooh yes, terribly inappropriate” Crowley remarked, not even casting a glance his way. He seemed to be focused.

“Ahem. Well then…” The angel cleared his throat and began walking back the way they had come from, but the demon kept him in place with an iron grip. 

“Nothing wrong with a little display of… lust”

An awkward blush crept up Aziraphale’s cheeks. N ot because of the humans, of course; he was more than used to this side of humanity. This feeling was caused by the thought of Crowley actually unashamedly _enjoying_ said display. 

The demon crouched, picking someone up from the ground and throwing it in the general direction of the couple. 

“Crowley!” He whisper yelled. “Goodness me. What in God’s name are you doing?”

Finally, the teenagers noticed them, and Crowley pretended to be deeply engaged in conversation. He was getting noticeable closer to the angel, as well.

“You again?” Yelled out the frustrated teenager. “And you brought a friend to watch the show too, huh? Is that your grandpa you’re taking on a walk there?” 

There is no accurate way to describe the string of thoughts that ran though Aziraphale’s mind. In sum, he quickly realized this encounter was no coincidence. 

“We’re not friends! We’re-“

“Partners. Boyfriends. Lovers, if you will. All sorts of things.” Blurted out the demon, before the clueless angel could ruin his brilliant plan. A forced smile and a pleading stare took over his features as he awkwardly put his arm over Aziraphale’s shoulder, silently begging him to just go along with it.

He couldn’t say he fully understood the situation at hand, but he didn’t quite mind the unexpected direction it took. He relaxed under the demon’s touch.Perhaps it was time to give him a taste of his own medicine by putting him on the spot.

“I thought you’d never admit it.” 

As to not give him time to so much as react to his words, Aziraphale swiftly turned and lightly crashed his lips against his.

The teenagers looked mildly annoyed at the inconvenience and not at all impressed. “Congratulations, grandpas. Now piss off, this is _our_ shagging spot.”

That was way more than he had bargained for. The interaction with the humans wasn’t exactly as satisfying as he had planned, but the overall experience sure was something. Still a little stunned by the sweet kiss, Crowley had to be pulled by the arm to wake up from his trance and follow the angel. 

He didn’t know what to make of this. What now?

They resumed their previous casual conversation normally (too normally) until it was time to part ways. 

“Next time, consider taking me on a proper date, dear.”  The angel closed the bookshop door, not bothering to wait for a response. 

**Author's Note:**

> this was just for fun and yes crowley took him on a proper date and they are happy boyfriends


End file.
